[Advice] Jobs & Jerk Dopplegängers

I’ve started answering questions…with questions. If you have a problem that might benefit from other angles of consideration, send it to donovanable [at] gmail [dot] com. 

At work there is a new person I need to work with and he looks just like my abusive ex-boyfriend. It’s really upsetting. What can I do?

Reflection’s resemblance to Frankenstein is totally coincidental. 


Weirdly, I’ve been in the opposite position as this question; where I was the doppleganger of someone else’s Bad Person.

What is the ideal outcome for you?
I ask because I could see a couple of things you want from your experience here. One answer might be “I want to be more comfortable in my work setting so I can stop stressing out when this person and I pass in the hall.” This might mean that you would focus on figuring out ways to be comfortable with being near to him.

Alternately, you might want to just avoid, avoid, avoid at this juncture. The ease of doing things depends on a some factors like how long you’ve been at this job, how small the company is, and in what department your unfortunately-semblanced coworker is.

Who is on your support system?
Who is going to be on your side, who you can vent to or hang out with when you don’t want to see the jerk!doppleganger or are on edge from unavoidable interactions with jerk!doppleganger.

What’s your one-liner if this ever comes up in the workplace?
I think the chances of this are pretty low, but a backup plan can help. Maybe you get really good at the lighthearted “Haha, actually it’s super weird but [coworker with unfortunate resemblance] looks like someone from my past!”

If you haven’t spent a lot of time at your current workplace, you might have the option to go with something like “haha, you know me, I’m busy, busy, busy!” for when you’re ducking back into your cubicle and away from everyone.

What things work best for you when you’re feeling overwhelmed but can’t leave?
I use fidget objects to calm down or distract myself, like this fidget ring. At other times, I’ve found controlled breathing exercises give me something to do. Breathe2Relax [Android, iOS] teaches one kind, square breathing is another.

Photo credit: Reflection by jourixia


One thought on “[Advice] Jobs & Jerk Dopplegängers

  1. I read “I need to work with” as meaning “I need to work with directly” e.g. in the same team, or on the same project. In which case, is email/chat/phone a possibility?

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